Panic!

Is she about to crawl or do we still have time?

Things I think about

Now that I'm back at work, I really do think about grown-up things like leadership development and project plans. But even so, I still spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about poop. Being that I'm pretty regular myself (overshare? yes), I don't think about poop all that much. But having a baby makes you ponder these things. I find myself googling things like, "is dark brown poop okay?" "what causes green poop" and "should baby poop change color?" (yes, foremilk, yes). Sometimes, we even save a diaper so we can have a poop discussion and get a second opinion from the other. I'm pretty sure this bonds us together to an even stronger, romantic connection. Maybe I should go check Lil V's diaper now...

What she wore...spring fling

If you read my other blog, Incidental Texan (trying to un-subject its followers to all baby-all the time by creating the baby blog), you know I like to dress my kid up. All the other kids at daycare are sporting their feetie pajamas and my kids in corduroy printed jumpers with leggings and a cute, cropped cardi and cowboy boots. While I've always been a clothes whore...er horse, discovering the joy of dressing up a little girl has been one of the best new discoveries of parenthood. This week on the way to our home are...

Romper ($20, Gap)

Striped one-piece polo ($12.50, Old Navy)
Fish Print Romper ($17.99, Gap)

And yes, Lil V is a Baby Gap...horse.

Bad Mommy

There are many milestones you watch for as your baby grows -- her first smile, her first giggle, the first time she sleeps through the night. With Lil V in daycare, I often worry that I'll miss some of these milestones when they happen for the first time (although...let go, the first time you see it will be the first time). Well tonight, right on track, Lil V adds one more milestone to her repetoire of tricks. Tonigh, she rolled from front to back. It was a proud moment, for both she and I, and daddy. She's passed the three month mark and she is developing strong neck, arm and ab muscles. She's on her way to crawling and sitting up! The only thing that could have made me prouder would be if I'd...well...actually seen it. I mean, I was there. I was just organizing Lil V's pictures for every day since she was born. Okay, okay...I kinda mighta maybe missed it because I was watching American Idol. I swear, I only turned away for a second. Just to see if what Simon said to Andrew Garcia had brought a tear to his too cool for school eye. And when I turned back...well, she wasn't how I left her. A bit shameful. Thankfully, Lil V forgave me and even threw me a bone when she repeated the act just a minute later. But perform it again on video, she would not. She's not no circus animal, after all. Here's to hoping she doesn't decide to take her first steps during the Real World 28 Reunion.

finding new love

Daddy doesn't know that the cardigan goes OVER the dress. In fact, he doesn't even know the difference between a dress and a skirt. He can't remember if he took lil V's paci from school or who she played with that day. He forgets to wash her bottles before bed. But, she's one lucky girl, because she's still got the best daddy in the whole wide world. He's the only one who can make the rocket ship noises just right...that elicit that giggle that's still so rare. He gets the jiggle just right - that perfect sweet spot that soothes that baby cry. He fills the whale tub to just the right level to make the best splashies.

Daddy and I have known each other for 20 years or so. We know who one another is. Yet, we somehow weren't prepared for who'd we become when lil V joined our lives. It was hard. We reacted to some of the stresses in ways that no longer fit into those predictable patterns we'd gotten so used to in eachother. We worried about our love, our relationship. It wasn't the same. Of xourse, it was wonderful to have lil V have made her sweet little way into our family. But what happened to us? So we slowed down, we talked more. We still haven't found ourselves as we were. Mostly because how we were no longer exists. While I mourn those days, we've found something greater. Today, our love is a line, with me at one end, lil V in the middle, and Daddy on the other end. Someday soon, it will be more like a triangle again. But for now, everything I love about him is enmeshed with everything about her. The way she looks at him and gives him a toothless grin when he comes home. How she sits on his chest at night and tells him about her day. How he holds her in the crook of his arm while doing chores around the house. The silly poopy songs he sings to her while changing her diaper. They are my loves, the greatest loves of my life. And the best daddies make the best husbands.

and the little one said..."wipe my bottom, slave" (all about cloth diapers)

Daddy and I made a quick foray into cloth diapers. It was short-lived, ultimately because we use disposables in daycare and she's in daycare almost full-time. But if I were a stay at home mom, i would definitely use them all the time. This site has a really great overview of the basics.

Our pros: initial up-front investment, but afterward, can save thousands. they're super cute and come in all kinds of neat colors. better for the environment (some say that the water and electricity it takes to wash them negates the benefit but we have HE washer/dryer), they feel really comfy (didn't test drive myself), but they're so soft!

Our cons: washing poop. having to throw poop into toilet instead of just folding up (daddy gags at the thought). daycare.

So, we did a LOT of research before we dipped out toe in. We narrowed it down to the following and here are our thoughts...

Bum Genius 3.0 - a one-size (for diapering life) pocket diaper (which means it has an insert that comes out and gets washed separately). If we went all in with cloth diapers, this is probably the one we'd choose. In our experience it worked very well. A little bit bulky due to the one size and the sizing snaps are a bit awkward when set on the smaller size. The diaper wicks away moisture really well.

FuzzinBunz - another one-size pocket diaper, just with a different fit and snaps instead of velcro. A lot of moms have said they prefer snaps (especially with older babies who discover how to undo the velcro). But these snaps are too much -- it's really difficult to link them up right and get it closed - I found myself getting extremely frustrated! I would just convert the BG's to snaps if it became a problem, which can be done. It was originally a selling point to me that the legs were adjustable - but i found it hard to figure out where they should be and it didn't seem to affect the performance (in fact, this one had a blow out the first time we tried it, maybe because the legs weren't tight enough). It's also the bulkiest diaper we tried.

Bum Genius All-in-One -- like a disposable diaper but you put the whole thing in the wash instead of in the trash. This is my favorite of all! The only disadvantage is that it doesn't come in just one size, so you have to buy up when your child grows out of them. But they are the cutest, have the best fit, and we found had the best performance. Plus, they're the easiest to use! The disadvantage of this diaper often cited is that they take much longer to dry. I found this to be true but once I figured out that if i turned it inside out and dried it it was almost dry through one cycle. i just leave it out for a while after that and it dries in no time.

Flip - A diaper-cover like thing with inserts; including a disposable option. I was really excited about this one -- it seemed to be a great option for daddy. But I wasn't a huge fan. The poop and pee often escaped the insert and when it did, it gets on the cover -- which is kinda ickier than getting on fleece with the other kinds. I imagine it wasn't as comfortable for her either. There is nothing to really hold the insert in place so it seemed to bunch up some on us (especially the disposable insert). Overall, probably our least favorite.

Good luck!

And two became three...

it's March 2010. but the little family's story starts well before this day. a girl met a cute boy in a quaint little new england coastal town. that girl's best friend was "going out with" the cute boy's best friend. so the girl and the cute boy figured they should "go out" too. and so they did. fast forward 20 years. that same girl was waking that cute boy up early in the morning with a whisper, "i think it's time." she said. and 11 hours later, two became three.

lil V was born on December 7th, at 5:09 p.m. and it went a little something like this...

• hmmm...i think i have to get up and go to the bathroom. Shit...so hard to heave myself out of bed. (heave myself out of bed)
• hmmm...did i wet my pants a little while i was sleeping?
• okay, i peed. back to bed? no, am i still peeing?
• hmmm...is that pee or water? (back to bathroom)
• oh wait, if it was pee, it would be yellow (cue lightbulb above my head), it's first thing in the morning. my water broke.
• holy shit. my water broke.
• wake tim.
• should i shower? i'll ask the doctor...who is...not answering. shit. no shower. let's just go.
• well, that was a contraction.
• (calm drive)
• (calm checkin)
• (calm confirmation it is fact my water that broke)
• a bit of labor, some pain, a big needle in my back
• pushing for two hours with lots of pain
• "you can do this. you can do this. she's so close. i can see her. you're doing really good."
• fuck, my epidural was disconnected (new epidural boost). that explains a lot.
• panic
• doctor, "we need to use the vacuum"
• BABY!!!!!!! 9 lb baby girl! our baby girl
• tim brings me pictures and videos as I get stitched up and they check lil v out
• two hours later...

we hold her, our little girl - who is our love incarnate. and all we can say is, "we made her." i loved a boy and he loved me back but the sum of those parts was so much greater. there were no words. no poetry, no prose, no lyrics. just love. she is love and we.made.her.